Towing a Harder Line with My Kids
January 26, 2012 in 2012
If you read my post on Why I Cater to My Kids, then you have an idea of the events that lead to me being a short-order cook. But, my husband and I have (finally) reached a level of frustration with our oldest daughter that means we’re (finally) ready to make some changes. Our daughter dislikes food, so until recently, we have been happy to have her eat anything. We were optimistic that she would grow out of this super picky phase. But now, she is 5 years old! And as we approach kindergarten late this summer, we are becoming more and more concerned about her generally low energy levels. This also comes at a time when my youngest daughter, who recently turned 2, is starting to be more willful at meals. But my youngest is a kid who will eat what’s put in front of her if there are no other options presented. I don’t want to cater to my oldest while being hardnosed with my youngest; that truly is not fair. So, we are trying something new. We are trying to radically change my oldest daughter’s diet all at once (small changes just didn’t seem to be working). Let’s be clear: this isn’t really about getting my oldest daughter to eat paleo (or even gluten-free, which is my first goal for my kids); this is about getting her to just eat.
We think that she probably had severe acid reflux as a baby (which pediatricians seemed unconcerned about at the time) and an immature digestive system leading to frequent stomach aches, which combined to form a very negative association with food for her. She hates food, hates eating, would literally rather starve. She especially dislikes meat of any kind (and fish, eggs…) and all vegetables (and most fruit too). We’ve tested her blood and she is not chronically malnourished (as I suspected), but she does have borderline hypoglycemia (probably caused by simply not eating well or enough rather than an endocrinological disorder). She is a conundrum: I tried withholding cheese so that she would eat carrot sticks and apple slices fist. Once she finished half an apple and two carrot sticks, she was too full for the cheese. This morning she turned down bacon because it wasn’t cooked the way she liked it. I had to yell at her to get her to eat the scrambled eggs on her plate. We could try an appetite stimulant with her, but as a person who battled weight most of my life, I feel deeply uneasy about this.
We’ve had a lot of conversations lately with my oldest daughter about nutrition, good foods and bad foods, about eating protein sources, about eating vegetables, about balance, about trying new foods, about how food is important for her body, and about how food affects her energy and her immune system. She’s a very bright kid (two scientists for parents will do that to you) and she’s interested in the science of nutrition, just not the application. But we wanted to prepare her somewhat for the changes that we’re implementing.
So, here is our new plan. For breakfast, I am making her scrambled eggs, uncured bacon (obviously trying to cook it the way she likes it, sheesh) and fresh fruit. Yoghurt, cheese, fresh fruit and vegetables, nuts, paleo muffins and other paleo baking will form her snacks. For lunch and supper, I am making her a few different vegetables and cheese and/or meat (same as what we’re eating). That’s it. I’ll try to make sure that some of the things on her plate are things she likes, but I’m not going to offer anything else. I will try not to worry about quantity (tough because she eats so little and it irks me), but just try and improve quality (for now). I’m not going to negotiate how many bites of what she has to eat before she gets something yummy (although fruit, gluten-free cereal or paleo baking will be offered for dessert if she finishes her whole plate). We’ll see what happens… So far, there has been great drama (screams, tears, wails, flopping on the floor, pouting in her room, more crying, whining, more tears). I feel bad for my oldest daughter because having this kind of radical change force upon you is brutal. But I can already see an improvement in her energy level and disposition. I hope that as she starts to feel better, that feeling better will also mean that eating healthy food won’t seem like such a chore.
Sounds like a good plan – I hope it works!
Stick with it and be as kind as you can. She will come around. My oldest would vomit anything he thought he didn’t like. He now can eat something even if he knows he doesn’t like it. It took time, and he is still picky (but so was I as a kid). I tell him to stop looking at his food, and just eat it. He is 13 now. This did not happen overnight. The best approach was being firm but kind.
Have you considered the texture of the food may be bothering her? Sometimes that is the only issue, and if you can blend or hide things in her food she may eat them without a problem.
My kids won’t touch a chunky veggie soup, but will gobble down the same soup blended up. A lot of kids have texture issues. I still cannot eat dried fruit (unless blended up) because the texture bugs me. I think it tastes good, it just bothers me. Just a thought for you.
You are brave for putting this out there. Good luck!
Thank you! We are noticing a tremendous difference already (she also has SPD, which both makes this harder and makes this more urgent).
When I started this blog, I wanted it to be a place where other people struggling with their own family’s nutrition could come for ideas and a sense of community. For many (most?) of us, change is not easy, even when it is positive change.
I’m going to implement this. I still make him what he wants and my husband and I eat our meal. Usually it’s chicken, salmon or turkey w/ broccoli or string beans. it’s very frustrating. And sometimes I feel like I’m being too hard on him. To the standard American this is a very healthy meal. I came here this morning b/c, once again, i’m frustrated.
It’s been a little over amonth now for his transition into paleo. I know it will get better in time and it will all be worth it. I just need to prepare myself for my tantrums. He’ll eat brocoli but won’t really eat any other veggies and meat is difficult too. I’ll keep you posted on this progress. He’s 5 also.
I’m going to make some of your paleo muffins w/ hidden veggies since mine turned out disaster (lol) and send those to school w/ him for his snacks.
Thank you for such an inspirational post. What a great birthday present and you dont even know me! After reading your story and now this one.. We are having quite similar mom and daughter health issues. I have been tested and I am totally grain intolerant including dairy, corn and rice. Eating grass fed beef, wild game, veggies and fruits. This is the first year now of our journey, things like this really help ALOT! Thanks again, Tamara
I worked for several years in the area of childhood obesity and one of our philosophies was based on Ellyn Saters work on the feeding relationship. The feeding relationship is a philosophy centered around the parents roles and the child’s roles in eating to help to develop a non-combative feeding relationship and hence a good relationship with food. The parents role centers around the what,where and when of feeding and the childs role is if and how much. She writes a few excellent books, I would recommend Your Child’s Weight, Helping Without Harming. With a very strict philosophy on food yourself, one in which I believe in, yet different than your childs outside world, it is important to have the right approach around the education and guidance of this eating philosophy. I grew up in a Scandinavian family that immigrated to a small town in Canada. We were a very active family, much different than those around us but very much a typical Norwegian family.Each weekend we went skiing or sailing, biking or running or to our cottage to play. It was our way of life and one I valued because I did not see it as being forced to do it, my family made it so much fun what else would I want to do. When I got married and my husband (an extremely active man) and I had kids one weekend when they were around 8 and 6 my husband asked them if they wanted to go skiing. I said to him oh no don’t ask them, we just pack up and go because that is what our family does. We always made an effort to make every activity outing fun and geared towards the level of the kids, while working in our own activity needs. We were role modelling and guiding and educating all in one. We didn’t ask, we just did because if you asked they wanted to play Nintendo and sit on the couch like many of their other friends did. Our kids are 21 and 18 and healthy, intuitive eating and activity are just a part of their lives. My husband often tells that story to others as what he says was a real mind changer for him and how well it worked!!
I am enjoying your website very much. Great to hear from someone with such a strong science background!! Good luck with the book!
Tina